I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
