I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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