i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
