Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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