He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
