My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
