question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
