pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
