some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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