fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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