Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
