Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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