I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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