Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
