the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
