Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
