I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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