there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
