If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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