Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
