Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
