Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
