Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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