If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i wish my penis had a tongue
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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