she woke up with a sticky ear
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
And then he peed in my hair
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