I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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