You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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