ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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