Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
