Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Small penises have feelings too.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He shit in the fireplace
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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