Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
