Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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