No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You don't make any sense
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