I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you inspire me to be a worse person
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
