i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
