areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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