Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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