i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
