So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
