at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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