is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
