Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
