Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
