She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
