I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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