it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think I am morally bankrupt
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
