You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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