WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
