Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
