I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
