Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
