my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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