walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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