If that was your dad, he is hot
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
