why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He kissed a someone with a penis
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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