I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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