3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
